Thursday, March 30, 2006


No time to kill…
No time to rest…
No time to play…
No time to chill…
No time to take the time out…

…ok there’s weekend coming up…let’s hope for the best and skip the rest…

Sunday, March 26, 2006

The night

Photo by: Mark Cassar
I woke up last night, crying. I cied for half an hour like a child. I hadn't cried like that for years, i think. And i realised there was no one i could call and talk about it. No one, who wouldn't be giving me standard answers. And i realised that people around me (however good friends they are) are too occupied with their own lives.

I wrote it down here because i need to remember that moment...

Monday, March 20, 2006

The tables have turned

I got into a conversation about prostitution the other day. As the guys I was talking to, seemed to know more about the topic, I asked them if there are also male hookers for pleasuring the women in Estonia. They were reckoning that the service probably is available. However, all of them were pretty sure that it’s most likely not very popular, as “girls just have to go to a nightclub and can easily find a guy for a night.” Right… Maybe that used to be the rule…maybe… Here’s how the situation looks like today.

It’s a popular conception that the women in Estonia are beautiful. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, but the girls do take care of them, keep fit and spend fortunes on clothes and beauty products; they’re also well-educated and if they’re not hard-core babes, I’d say they are mostly a “good catch”. Formerly I have also talked about the shortage of good guys and that if they are equal in value to the girls, they’re usually taken. Put the 2 aspects together and you understand that the pressure of competition is fierce for the women.

This weekend I went out with some friends, we also went to a nightclub. Another friend of mine was there. He’s been back “on market” for about a month or so and there he was, just sitting at the bar, surrounded by a flock of girls (and it’s not an exaggeration – I saw as much as 4 girls), fighting for his attention, all of them gorgeous. This other friend of mine does have a girlfriend but we sometimes go out together and act as each other’s safety net, if the situation demands. The last time we went out, he had as much as 3 pretty straightforward offers for spending the rest of the evening. And this time, again, a girl somehow attached herself to his arm and wanted to share a cab home with us. I’m pretty sure she’d shared the cab also to his home, had he offered it. Now, what do you think? I’d say there are already too many exceptions… and if there are too many exceptions, they form a new rule.

Thursday, March 16, 2006


Muhv is the first one
Muhv is a well known character in a well known Estonian Children’s book. I’d personally say that Muhv is legendary. Muhv has many good features – friendliness, good heart etc. Muhv likes to travel and Muhv has a strange habit. Wherever Muhv travels, he sends himself letters ahead, so that when he reaches the place, he can go to the post office and claim the letters he has sent himself. He just goes there and asks for “Muhv, poste restante.” Muhv used to do this because he was lonely and his own letters were a consolation and made him feel less alone. Later on, when he found some good friends and was not alone any longer, he just kept sending the letters out of habit.

I am Muhv, too, and N is Muhv. I love to get real letters and postcards and stuff like that. I love the excitement of opening a letter or getting a note that there’s a package waiting for me in the post office. And I send myself stuff too. From each country that I travel to, in addition to about 10 postcards I have to send to my friends, I send one for myself. And I buy CD-s from internet and now I subscribed to a great magazine that I cannot get in Estonia. And I know a friend of mine from Germany just wrote me a letter….and now I just can’t wait til all of those things start arriving. The excitement….it’s killing me:)

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

The house is warm

Photo by: N
I had my first official housewarming yesterday. I cooked Italian and my colleagues came over and gave their blessing to my home. Everybody loved it, which was nice because they’re people with good sense of taste and style. And, as it turns out, my petite place can easily fit 12 grown-ups and a kid. Next time I should push the limit to 13 or 14 or so. But I think 20 is definitely the limit:) Or…..if everybody is standing up, really close to each other…maybe we can fit 50:)

My friends keep pushing me to throw a party for them. Though I keep telling them that most of them have already paid me a visit and that they’re welcome anytime, it still doesn’t seem to be enough. Stupid needy and demanding friends:) Anyway, now that I’ve tested the place to fit 12 people, the idea is not entirely out of the question, but sorry, guys, not this month – there’s just no budget left for throwing parties. Somehow, March seems to be a veeeeeery long month.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Live tomorrow?

This is the song that has captured me lately. A beautiful song by a young Swedish girl. Not only is the song great, I think the lyrics are very true. Live your life today, with all the good and the bad shit. You can’t escape it anyway!

Laleh – Live Tomorrow

Its cold around me,
the nigh t is young
the sun has fallen and I’ve become
the lonely one

the moon is dancing among the clouds
and my knees are shaking,
and my dreams are braking
but I know I live
But i know i live, today

I know we could live tomorrow
But I know I live today,
I know we could live tomorrow
But I don’t think we should wait! No..

I know we could..

Taking my life in my hands!
(the power who has it?)
Taking my life in my hands!
(the power who has it?)
I don’t like to wait!
no, i don’t like to wait!
It’s happening, It’s happening..

I know we could live tomorrow
But I live today!I know we could live tomorrow
But I don’t think we should wait!